I Don't Care. Help My Apathy!
Apathy is my biggest enemy. If there is a character I can identify with most in the Bible these days, it is the man who came to Jesus with a demon possessed boy and said, "I do believe; help my unbelief." That man was desperate, and yet, he couldn't get outside of his own shortcomings. He believed, but he needed Jesus to help him believe enough. I'd like to offer a modified version of this as a prayer to God, "I'm trying to care! Help me to care!"
It's easy to say, "Walk with Jesus and He will keep you on the right path." But what happens when I don't care enough to do so, when I know what will keep me from missing God's heart but... don't?
The problem is, I know what it takes to walk in the ways that God wants me to. Doing it is the problem, that's always been the problem for me.
John Donne was the Dean of St. Paul's Cathedral and one of England's greatest preachers during the 1600's. But John was previously a Donne Juan. His early life, and poetry, were blatantly sexual. He had rejected his parents faith, but returned to it after time in prison and the death of his wife.
Donne's poetry was honest and edgy. He was accused at the time for being a pornographer for lines like "Nor be chaste, lest you ravish me." But Donne was speaking from an honest heart desiring desire he didn't have.
The above line was from his poem, Holy Sonnet #74, which hit home, so I made it my own. Here's my version Batter My Heart, below that is Donne's far superior work.
Batter My Heart
If I were a town, If I were a treacherous town, Would you invade, And tear down these walls.
If I were a bride, If I were a faithless bride, Would you ravish me, And make me whole?
Batter my heart three person God, For gladly would I love you, And gladly be loved. Batter my heart three person God, And break me down, Till we are one.
And if I were to walk, If I were to walk away, Would you break my legs, To keep me close?
If I were to spit, Spit in your lovely face, Would you turn away, Or hold your pose?
Holy Sonnet 74