In The Nayam of Jeeusus! You ah heaulud!
Saturday night at 2am, I finally set foot in my own apartment after 11 days on the road with some good friends and their musical project Quarry Times. Being on the road for more than a few days can both invigorate and wear you out; It puts a strain on life as you know it and forces everything to start over, including writing (which is why this is draft eight or nine of this post). Being on the road also forces me to evaluate and critique, in a more objective way, what my life is like, and what I would like it to be. Faith of course comes into play here.
I've also been going through The Money Experiment, which is really running me through the grinder. What I thought was an experiment on how I handle finances is turning out to be a litmus test for holiness and trust. The more I dig through this, the more I realize how much I'm leaning on 'my own' resources ("my own" is of course how I perceive it). For all the time I've spent getting to know God, I've still made Him more of an assistant than a king.
This week's experiment was PRAY: Spend the week asking God to reveal the areas of your life that need to be relenquished....that you will be shown the ways that God wants to provide...for the courage and support to fully rely on God for all your needs.
Sometime on Wednesday (that experiment started Monday), sitting in the Mall of America, I decided I should probably get started and actually pray, which I did for fifteen minutes before getting distracted by google analytics and some catchy lyrics I wanted to pen down about obsessive commercialism. Five minutes later it was 10am Sunday morning and I was in the shower trying to figure out some great way to twist my failure to pray into a great blog post.
God is a rascal; He answers prayers that we don't even realize are prayers.
As I was getting dressed, Courtney came in from walking our dog and let me know that our landlord was there to check out some plumbing issues we've been having. He apparently forgot that we were Christians and needed to go to church. Thankfully God smacked that thought around a bit and made me okay with being late, even though they were announcing the kickoff of small groups and probably introducing the leaders (including Courtney and I).
As I talked to Gary, a flood of thoughts came back about the Money Experiment, the (sort of) prayers in the shower that morning, and the fact that I've been feeling like I should ask our Landlord if I could pray for the rather frustrating condition he's had with his nervous system for several months now.
I am unapologetically frustrated when it comes to the average charismatic. It's not that people pray for healing, or pursue charismatic gifts, but that often people go hunting for magic spells or analyzed technique that I just don't see listed in scripture. Thank God for people like my Pastor Gary who just show up and say, "Hey God, could you heal this guy? Amen." But I know I've used this frustration with Christian voodoo to avoid that sort of thing altogether, which is its own heresy. So I pushed past my cowardice and gave the Pastor Gary prayer.
In the aftermath, I'm experiencing both an excitement and anxiety. I don't feel like everything depends on this, I haven't placed that expectation on God, or on my faith, for what He should do, but I am excited for what He might do when I make Him the source I'm dependent on.
What resources do you depend on?